i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
