I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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