i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
