who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
