You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
