That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
