so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
