Where did you get a picture of my penis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Semen is not good for contacts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
