I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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