We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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