If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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