from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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