I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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