I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
porn star boner night. come get it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
