Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
