conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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