a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What a dumb baby whore.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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