I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
