ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
