Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
