She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
