please come you make the beer taste better
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
