the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
