Moan for me like Helen Keller
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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