he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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