Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
