i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
