got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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