I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
