i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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