his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
