Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
