talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
