Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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