If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
