i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
