we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
