we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
