The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
