Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
