I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
