In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
