I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize