you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
