Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
