My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
