Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
