I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize