When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
