I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My penis needs a shock collar
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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