there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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