Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
