she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
