and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
