i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
