she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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