Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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