Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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