He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
