I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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