so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
