why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
