Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
