im drinking this country out of the recession.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
