I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
