does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
