I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
